5 Reasons Why Therapists Don’t Give Advice

One of the biggest differences between therapy, coaching and “a chat” with a friend / relative is that therapists don’t give clients advice. We may offer alternative ways of thinking about things, and different approaches to handling situations that a client may not have considered, but we won’t tell them what they “should” think, feel, do or say. In this post, I’ll explain why this is the case, and why it matters.

We don’t know our clients better than they know themselves

Even if we’ve worked with a client for a while and feel like we know them well, therapists still don’t know their clients better than they know themselves. We don’t have their full range of beliefs and experiences that shape who they are and how they manage in the world, so we can’t give them advice that’s fully informed by this.

Giving our clients advice would also mean that we risk making assumptions about them and their circumstances that may be entirely inappropriate, and we are undermining their autonomy in how they choose to live their lives. This could have a negative impact on the therapeutic relationship and process, which I explain in more detail below.

We have no way of knowing the full repercussions our advice could have

As a therapist, I will only ever have a small glimpse into my clients’ lives, even if that glimpse is more than most people would get to see. I also only ever get my clients’ perspectives on things, so without the full context, I can’t provide appropriate advice.

If I gave a client advice for how to handle something without a complete picture, I wouldn't be able to consider all of the potential risks and repercussions my advice could have. This could put my client at risk of harm, which is something all therapists seek to avoid.

We don’t want clients to feel dependent on us to make decisions

A core part of the philosophy underpinning my work is the belief that everyone has the capacity to make their own decisions. Even if those decisions aren’t the ones I might make if I were in the same situation, that doesn’t mean that the person isn’t capable of making decisions for themselves.

One of the goals of therapy is for clients to feel confident in their ability to take charge of their lives and the decisions that guide them. If their previous experiences have been influenced by others making decisions for them, and a therapist does the same thing, this will reinforce the client’s old belief that they can’t make decisions for themselves.

Advice that results in negative outcomes could harm the therapeutic relationship

“I did what you told me to do and it was awful, and it’s all your fault!”

If a therapist gives a client advice, and the client acts on that advice and it has a negative outcome, the client is likely to blame the therapist. The experience could leave the client feeling angry and hurt, and they may lose trust in the therapist and in the therapeutic relationship.

No therapist sets out to intentionally harm their clients (at least, not if they’re working in line with an ethical framework!), but even with the very best of intentions, giving our clients advice could do more harm than good. This could also reinforce a client’s belief that people can’t be trusted because they will always hurt them in the end, which could undo a lot of the progress the client has made in therapy.

Empowering our clients to make their own choices is a key part of therapy

When we’re children, we become accustomed to other people making decisions about what’s best for us. As we get older and begin to gain some independence and establish our own identities, we start making decisions for ourselves. This is a way for us to figure out what is best for us and to take responsibility for, and ownership of, our choices.

As a therapist, it isn’t my job to tell clients what is the “right” thing to do; I don’t live their lives, I don’t have their experiences and relationships, and so on. Instead, my job is to help them to reach an understanding of what is best for them for themselves. They might feel intimidated and overwhelmed by making decisions based on what feels right for them instead of following what someone else thinks at first, but it’s important as a way for them to carve their own paths in life.

I hope that this post has given you some insight into why therapists don’t give advice. Ultimately, all therapists want the best for their clients, and our role is to work alongside them as they navigate the path to figuring out what this might be.

At the time of writing this post, my caseload is full so I’m not taking on any new clients. If you’re struggling and would like some suggestions for other potential therapists and resources, feel free to contact me using the form below and I’ll be happy to help.