"I'm Anxious About Being Anxious!"

Welcome to #TherapyThursday, a feature in which I’ll be offering some tips and insights about an issue that comes up regularly in my work. In this post, I’ll be talking about anxiety.

Why do we feel anxious?

A small amount of anxiety is part of being human. It can be a useful defence mechanism when we’re faced with unfamiliar people and environments or uncertain circumstances. It enables us to anticipate potential threats, and to find strategies to address them.

For example, it’s natural to be anxious about starting a new job because you probably won’t know anyone or where anything is or how anything works. To address the perceived threat of uncertainty and ease your anxiety, you might try running through potential conversations in your head, or thinking of questions to ask about the new environment. Anxiety in this sense enables us to identify these links and then develop strategies for addressing them. It will usually lessen very quickly as we become more familiar and comfortable with the new people and surroundings.

The anxiety becomes a problem when it stops us from living our lives and when our thoughts become fixated on the perceived threats. We then get stuck in a kind of loop, so there’s no headspace available for an exit strategy to form. This adds to the feeling of being out of control, but with the added stress of feeling “trapped” (psychologically and physically) in the anxiety. 

How can I be anxious about being anxious?

Anxiety is usually linked to feeling out of control and uncertain about what’s to come. Unfortunately, the way that anxiety manifests itself can also make us feel out of control, and if we’re uncertain about when we might feel anxious and how our anxiety will affect us when we experience it, that can heighten our anxiety.

We can become anxious about being anxious because of how anxiety feels: breathlessness, racing heartbeat, headache, nauseous, sweating, trapped, frozen - these are all words I hear regularly from clients to describe the physical sensations that come with their anxiety. Many people who are severely affected by anxiety will also experience panic attacks, which can be even more frightening, and the thought of having one can add to the anxiety.

The thoughts that come with anxiety can also make us feel anxious because they can seem to run in a cycle going over and over the same things. We might feel like one of the anxious thoughts has gone, but then it can be replaced by a new one, and so the cycle begins again. This process is mentally exhausting, and it can impact on our sleep because the thoughts don’t seem to “switch off”, so we are also tired because we haven’t had enough sleep. 

As a result of these factors, we can feel anxious about being anxious because the anxiety has such a massive impact on all aspects of our lives and wellbeing.

Is there a way to get rid of - or at least reduce - my anxiety?

As anxiety is part of being human, it’s not something that will ever go away completely, but it can be managed. For many people who experience anxiety, the most helpful ways to manage it are the ones that enable them to feel like they’ve regained some control over the anxiety, rather than the anxiety controlling them.

Talking about your anxieties is one of the best ways to address them. Thoughts only have power in your head, so if you talk about them, their power will be reduced. You can talk to anyone you feel comfortable with about your anxieties, and this can be a friend, relative or therapist. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to that person, it will only add to your anxiety, so don’t worry if you change your mind and decide to talk to someone else.

Medication can be helpful, and it’s worth talking through the options available with your GP if you’re thinking about taking medication for your anxiety. Some medicines, like beta blockers, can help to reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety by literally slowing down the heart. These are not suitable for everyone, and are only available with a prescription, so it’s important to check them out with your GP. 

Physical movement is often incredibly powerful as a way of managing anxiety. This is because there is intention and control to it, so this can override the anxious cycle. Clenching and unclenching muscles, holding or eating ice cubes, and tapping your fingers can interrupt an anxious cycle. Running, walking, dancing, and swimming, for example, will naturally increase the heart rate, but will also release endorphins, which will give you a boost.

If you struggle with anxious thoughts before sleep, I suggest that you don’t look at screens for at least an hour before going to bed, and that you do a boring task that is physical enough to focus your mind, but not so physical that you feel more awake. I recommend folding clean clothes and pairing socks because it’s incredibly difficult for the brain to focus on anxious thoughts at the same time.

How can I help someone experiencing anxiety?

Stay calm: if they sense that your panic and anxiety is rising, they are likely to feel more anxious too. Take deep breaths and encourage them to stay psychologically grounded by identifying what they can see, hear, feel, smell and taste. This will divert their thoughts away from the anxiety. 

Anxiety is frustrating and sometimes the things that we’re anxious about can seem completely irrational (“batshit”, if you will). In my experience, if we trace it back, there will always be a rational source of the anxiety, but our brain has blown it completely out of proportion. Your friend/loved one might be anxious about something that doesn’t seem to make much sense, so be patient and listen to what they have to say. For many people who experience anxiety, being given the space to talk about it is incredibly helpful.

Offer as much support and reassurance as you can. Part of the anxiety for many people is believing that they are a burden because of it, and that they will be abandoned by everyone because they will get sick of them being anxious. Anxiety is often a very lonely illness because people who suffer from it feel like they’re alone with their anxious thoughts and feelings.

I hope that this post has given you some useful tips and insights into anxiety. If you’re struggling with your mental health, please know that it’s okay to reach out for support.

If you think that I might be the therapist for you, you can contact me using the form below, and you can also connect with me on Facebook and Instagram @emmapooleytherapy.