Growing Up & Letting Go

I can’t believe that it’s almost 3 months to the day since I last published a blog post here. If this is the first time you’ve come across my site, welcome, and if you’ve been here before, welcome back! There have been lots of personal and professional shifts for me in this time, and I’m holding lots of different feelings about it all.

Therapists are human first, and we go through times that challenge us, just as our clients do. Without going into too much specific detail, I thought I’d share some of the general insights I’ve gained over the last few months, and I hope that my doing so gives you some comfort and reassurance that things will be okay in the end if you need it.

Growing up

I bought my first house at the beginning of February, and although it’s been exciting, it’s also been stressful! Various things haven’t gone to plan, and I found that this hooked into a lot of old stuff for me. At times, I’ve felt like my inner child has been trying to get back in the driving seat, and that’s been less than ideal to say the least…

In spite of this, I’ve generally managed to respond from a different place within myself, and in turn have had a very different response from people around me. People have shown up for me in so many wonderful, supportive, loving ways, and it’s been incredibly healing for me to experience this, and to express my vulnerability in a way that enables people to do this.

I’ve also been reflecting on where I want to go in my professional development, and I’m very excited to be starting some training in Person Centred Creative Arts therapy in September. Connecting with my creativity again is such an important process for me, and I’m looking forward to seeing what emerges!

Letting go

One of the biggest things I’ve had to work through in my therapy is learning how to let go of trying to manage how other people will respond to what I say and do. Over the years, I’ve sometimes avoided being as open and direct as I’ve needed to be out of fear of upsetting the other person, and this has actually done more harm than good to me as well as them.

I’ve had to have some challenging conversations over the last 3 months, and doing so has been a key part of being able to let go of stuff that I hadn’t realised I was holding on to. Some of the conversations were incredibly sad and painful ones to have, but it’s amazing how much more peaceful I feel for having had them.

If this is something you also struggle with, I hope that my sharing this gives you some permission to see if you can “do differently”, and to notice if and how things shift for you and for your relationships.

Staying curious

Being curious rather than judgmental has been an absolute game-changer for me personally as well as professionally. When I notice myself having a strong reaction to something - whether that’s an event, the environment or a person - I get curious about it.

Rather than telling myself that I “shouldn’t” think or feel that way, or that I’m “just being silly”, I ask myself what it is that I’m reacting to. This usually opens up a completely different perspective on things, and it actually helps me to recognise when my own “stuff” (like old insecurities and experiences) is getting in the way.

It means that I can get back to seeing things as they are, rather than as how I’ve projected them to be, and this helps me to ground myself again. If you find that you’re often self-critical or projecting judgments for much of the time, I invite you to see if you can be curious about what’s really going on for you.

It feels good to be writing again after a break, and I’m hoping to find a regular rhythm again soon, without putting too much pressure on myself. I’d like to say a heartfelt thank you for reading my posts, engaging with the content I share on social media, and being so lovely in the messages and comments over the last few months; I really do appreciate it.

As ever, if you’re struggling and think I might be the therapist for you, feel free to get in touch and let’s see if we can work together. You can contact me: via email to emma@emmapooleytherapy.com; on Facebook and Instagram @emmapooleytherapy, or by completing the contact form below.