Meet the Therapist: Emma Pooley
Welcome to Meet the Therapist, a new monthly feature where you’ll be introduced to a different therapist working in private practice each month. Here you’ll be able to learn more about each therapist, how they got into therapy, and their top tips for taking care of your mental health. I’ll be kicking things off this time, so read on to find out more about me…
Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do?
Hello! I’m Emma, and I'm an NCS (National Counselling Society) accredited therapist in private practice in Hull. I work with adults (18+) who are struggling with their mental health, want to find balance in their lives, and to reconnect with their authentic selves. Most of my work is around anxiety, stress, loss and trauma, but clients may come to me with all sorts of other issues to work with.
My aim is to end the stigma around accessing support for mental health, and to raise awareness that you don't need to be in crisis or at breaking point to benefit from therapy. Therapy can seem intimidating and mysterious, so I think it’s really important to normalise therapy and reduce the anxiety and mystery that is often attached to it; after all, therapists are people too!
How/when did you decide to become a therapist?
Back in late 2016, I was signed off work with stress and anxiety. I’d been running on empty for a while, and one day everything just seemed to catch up with me and I crashed. There had been warning signs that this would happen (poor sleep, racing thoughts, feeling anxious and on edge all the time), but I avoided acknowledging they were there, so when I eventually burnt out, it was pretty spectacular.
I went to see a GP and they said they could only offer me beta blockers for my anxiety or suggest that I go for counselling. For various reasons, I chose not to take any medication and decided to look for a therapist instead. Don’t get me wrong, medication can be very helpful and is absolutely the right choice for some people, but it didn’t feel like the right choice for me.
I decided to look for a private therapist because NHS waiting lists were so long, and the number of sessions I could have would be limited. I didn’t know anyone personally who had accessed therapy, so I didn’t know how to go about finding someone, and felt quite intimidated by the prospect of stepping into the unknown. In the end, I did an internet search and stumbled across a directory, which led me to find the first therapist I worked with. We ended up working together for just over 2 years, and I’ve worked with two other therapists since then.
It was my first therapist who said she thought I’d make a good therapist myself, and suggested I think about doing the training. I thought about it for a while, and eventually decided to apply to do the 4 year training in psychotherapy at the Ellesmere Centre in Hull. It’s been an experience like no other, and I wouldn’t change it.
Why is therapy important?
Like a lot of people, I used to believe that you needed to be in crisis or at breaking point to be “allowed” to have therapy, but this is absolutely not the case. I’m a firm believer in “prevention is better than cure”, so the earlier you notice that you’re struggling and seek out support, the less chance there is of the issue spiralling into a crisis and the sooner you’re likely to feel better.
The thing that every single person who comes for therapy has in common is that they want something to change. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” you because you aren’t broken, it’s about working with your therapist to identify patterns of thoughts and behaviours that are no longer serving you, and establishing new, healthier ones.
You can be generally okay and still benefit from therapy, as it’s a space in which you can get to know and understand yourself better. You can be feeling lost and finding it difficult to focus on anything, and talking to someone independent can help you to rediscover your clarity and direction. And you can just be feeling stuck and unsure where to go in life, and need a space to reflect on what you really want for yourself. Any, all and none of these reasons is enough to have therapy; if you think talking to an independent mental health professional is what you need, go for it.
Do you have any tips for looking after your mental health?
Healthy boundaries work wonders for looking after your mental health, but many people aren’t sure what they are or how to establish and maintain them. One of the best ones is being really disciplined about working hours and work-related contact outside those times. If you work Monday-Friday between 9am-6pm, for example, make sure that you don’t respond to calls, texts and emails relating to work outside these times. Treat your personal time as a commitment and not an “optional extra”.
Stay connected with your friends and family, even if it’s only for 10 minutes each day, especially if you’re on your own a lot. We’re social animals and need the connection with others, so if you’re struggling, talking to someone should help you to feel better. If you find that you’re feeling “stuck” in your feelings and need more support, there are lots of therapists out there and many of them are offering online sessions at the moment if going to meet them face-to-face feels too overwhelming or impractical.
If you know that the news will upset and/or overwhelm you, please don’t make yourself watch or read it. Yes, it’s important to stay informed about what’s going on in the world, but not at the expense of your health and wellbeing. I only check the news once a day, and if I’m struggling, I won’t check it at all until I feel better.
Social media is wonderful in many ways, but it can add to the pressures of life. For any of the social media platforms that you do choose to use, only follow accounts that help you to feel better and part of a community, and unfollow the ones that don’t. Just like in the “real” world, you can choose who you interact with, and if someone is upsetting and antagonising you, it’s okay to disengage from that.
Regular exercise and time in nature has a really positive impact on mental health, so get some fresh air and move about regularly. If you struggle to find the motivation, see if you can buddy-up with a friend and make a commitment to get out and about together. Another strategy is something called “temptation bundling”, which is when you make it a rule that you can only watch that TV show, or listen to that podcast or audiobook when you’re exercising.
What advice would you give to someone who is looking for a therapist?
Finding a therapist can feel intimidating and overwhelming for a lot of people, and it’s difficult to know where to start. As therapy is so personal, it’s important to find the right therapist for you, so here are some suggestions for how to go about this:
Word-of-mouth: an oldie but still a goodie; chat to people you know and see if they have any therapists in their network that they’d recommend. Even if the therapist they know can’t work with you, the therapist should be able to suggest colleagues for you to contact.
Directories: there are lots of directories that will list therapists in your local area, as well as nationally. The main general ones are Psychology Today and Counselling Directory, and they will cover therapists who are members of different membership bodies. There are directories for specific membership organisations too, including BACP, UKCP and NCS, but each of these will only list their own members.
Search engines: you’ll be able to search for therapists in your local area as well as nationally. Try searching for “therapists in [your local area]”, “mental health support in [your local area]”, or for the particular issue you have and see what comes up.
Social media: lots of therapists have a presence on social media these days, so it’s worth having a look on different platforms and seeing who pops up.
Don’t be afraid to contact a few different people that look like they would suit you and your needs, and remember that you don’t have to go with the first therapist who has a space if it doesn’t feel right for you.
I hope you’ve enjoyed Meeting the Therapist this month. Next time, I’ll be chatting to Richard Maun; hope to see you then!
As ever, if you’re struggling with your mental health and think that I might be the therapist for you, please feel free to get in touch with me. You can contact me via Instagram and Facebook @emmapooleytherapy, or via email at emma@emmapooleytherapy.com to book a free 30-minute consultation and we can see if we’d like to work together.