The Difference Between Self-Care & Self-Respect (And Why It Matters)
"Self-care" has become one of those buzzwords that flies around a lot, especially in the “Wellness” sector. It's often framed as being interchangeable with self-respect, but I believe that they're actually two different - though equally important - things.
So what is the difference between self-care and self-respect?
Self-respect
You may have come across Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see image below), which highlights the things that he believed are fundamental to not only surviving, but being able to thrive. Self-respect is the stuff towards the base of the pyramid that should be at the core of our daily routines: getting plenty of sleep, eating well, having a bath or shower, rest, regular exercise, connecting with other human beings.
These are the things that are often perceived as "going the extra mile" for ourselves, when in fact, they create the foundations to be a functional human being. If we’re struggling with our mental health, these things are often the first to fall by the wayside in our list of priorities, usually because external factors like work or caring for other people end up holding such a heavy influence over us.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Via Simply Psychology
Self-care
When we talk about self-care, we’re talking about how we can nurture ourselves in ways that help us to grow, build our confidence, and to flourish: making time for our hobbies, our passions, having therapy, engaging in meaningful work. This is the stuff that extends beyond our basic survival needs into the things that enable us to thrive.
These are the things that give us a sense of purpose and meaning in life, which helps us to move further up the Hierarchy of Needs to a place of reaching our full potential. Yet if we don't have the strong foundations of self-respect in place, it will feel impossible to make time for "self-care", which can leave us feeling stuck , unmotivated and frustrated.
Why does it matter if there’s a difference between these things?
I believe that the difference between self-care and self-respect matters because we live in a world that pushes so-called “hustle culture” (the idea that we have to monetise everything we do / create / are, and be “on-the-go” at all times) on the one hand, whilst saying that we must focus on taking care of ourselves and doing things that help us to achieve this on the other.
When the self-respect of meeting our basic needs is framed as “self-care”, we’re perpetuating the idea that looking after ourselves by doing things that help us to stay well is an indulgence rather than a necessity. Clients often talk to me about their experience of burnout because they aren’t prioritising things like eating well, exercise and sleep, which they have learned to perceive as “less important” when compared to other things like work.
I often invite them to consider the analogy of how if the oxygen masks are released in an emergency on a plane, passengers are told to put their own mask on first before attempting to assist anyone else with theirs. If they don’t do this, it’s likely that they won’t be able to breathe properly themselves, so would need help from other people who may be in the same situation.
This is why I would encourage to remember that you matter, and you are worthy of nurture and care, without any need to “earn” these things. It’s not “selfish” to prioritise your own wellbeing over everything else; it’s a necessity.
I hope that this post has given you some “food-for-thought” around self-care and self-respect, and why it matters that there’s a difference. As ever, if you’re struggling and think I might be the therapist for you, feel free to get in touch and let’s see if we can work together. You can contact me using the form below, on Facebook and Instagram @emmapooleytherapy or via email to emma@emmapooleytherapy.com.