Coping With Christmas: Tips From a Therapist
Christmas brings up all sorts of feelings for most people, and the thought of having to navigate another one may fill you with dread rather than joy. Advertisers are focused on everyone having “the best Christmas ever”, most people are chatting about their plans for the festive season, and you may be feeling completely overwhelmed with it all.
If this resonates for you, I hope that this post gives you permission to take care of yourself in whatever way that is for you, as well as some tips for navigating it in a way that feels better for you.
Be kind to yourself
This can be an incredibly difficult time of year, especially if you’re grieving, estranged from your family, will be on your own or having to spend time around people you’d rather not be with. Please remember that it’s normal and okay to struggle with these things, and that your feelings are valid.
Trying to force yourself to “get over it” or “stop being silly” is never going to help, but being kind to yourself will. Take some time to reflect on what you might need to make things feel more manageable, and remind yourself that most people struggle at this time of year, even if they don’t appear to outwardly show it.
Stick to your usual routine whenever possible
Most people take time off work and out of education at this time of year, and lose their usual structure and routine. This can have a significant knock-on effect on mental health and wellbeing, and can also make the transition back into the usual routine after the break far more challenging.
If places that you would usually venture to as part of your routine, such as the gym, will be closed during the holiday season, try to incorporate an alternative into its place. For example, perhaps you could go for a walk or bike ride during the time you’d be in the gym, or listen to music in the time you’d usually be commuting.
It may seem obvious, but try to stick to your regular meal and bedtimes as much as possible, as this will help to keep your circadian rhythm in sync. When we’re feeling overwhelmed, letting the “basics” like this slide will make things feel worse, so it’s important to attend to them as usual.
Have several plans that you can choose from depending on what feels manageable
I want to make a brief disclaimer here by acknowledging that there may be important reasons why it’s unrealistic to have a couple of back-up options. You may not have the money or transport to change your plans at the last minute, or doing so might put you at risk of harm, and would therefore be unsafe for you. Please remember that your safety and wellbeing is vital, and if you’re worried about this, there are services who may be able to help. You can download a free PDF of useful information and resources here.
One of the challenges that people often talk about is how to adapt their plans if the original option is no longer manageable. If you’ve spent a lot of time and energy planning things out only to find that you’re completely overwhelmed by it all, you may feel like you’ve “failed” in some way or that you’re “letting people down”.
Perhaps you can visit people in smaller groups for a couple of hours rather than attending a big family gathering. Maybe you can provide drinks and snacks for anyone who visits you, rather than cooking a full meal. Instead of meeting for drinks in a bar or pub, why not invite people round to play some games, whether they’re board, video or party, or a combination of them all?
It’s okay to change your mind, and it’s okay to make things easier for yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Remember that you’re allowed to set and maintain boundaries
You’re allowed to protect your time, energy and mental health in whatever way works for you, and this often means saying “no” to things that are likely to drain you. Your boundaries set out the expectations and limitations of what you’re able to offer and receive, and they’re a vital part of taking care of ourselves as well as other people.
Honouring your needs isn’t selfish; it’s necessary and healthy, and means that you can be more fully present and available when you do spend time with friends and family. If you consistently put the needs of others above your own, it’s likely to build resentment and harm the relationship in the long-run. Take time to reflect on what you actually want and need, and set about communicating this to other people as clearly and as soon as possible.
Make time for you
The intensity of the festive season may leave you feeling drained and overwhelmed. If you can plan some time to do something for yourself, even if it’s going for a short walk or spending some time on a favourite hobby, you’ll give your brain a chance to reset.
Taking regular breaks will give you time to rest and recharge, and doing something enjoyable will help to boost your mood and build your resilience. Anything that taps into your creativity will also give you an emotional release, and this might be things like writing, painting or music, but can also be cooking, meditation or talking to friends.
I hope that this post has given you some helpful reminders, as well as useful tips for coping with Christmas. Please remember that if at any point, it all feels too much, there are services who can help. Here are a few of the organisations in the UK who can provide support:
Samaritans: phone 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org (please allow 24 hours for a response to an email).
Papyrus HOPEline: phone 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org.
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): phone 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight).
The Mix (for under 25s): phone 0808 808 4994 (4pm-11pm Mon-Sat).
If you’re interested in working with me, please note that I will be on leave from Friday 16th December 2022 until Sunday 8th January 2023 (inclusive). I will have availability for new clients when I return to work, so feel free to contact me using the form below or via email to emma@emmapooleytherapy.com if you’d like more information or to book a free consultation.