Is Therapy Right For Me? (And Will It Work?)

When I was a child, I remember lots of characters in American TV programmes talking about therapy, whether they were referring to their own, someone else’s, or as a general concept. It was rarely mentioned in British TV, but there was a running joke that everyone in the US seemed to have a therapist, as if it was something shameful.

Portrayals of therapists and the therapeutic process in TV shows, films and the media have distorted what it’s really about and how it works, as well as fuelling a lot of myths about it (you can read my post about debunking therapy myths here if you’re interested).

Making the decision to have therapy is potentially life-changing, so it’s important to check in with yourself and see if your motivations and expectations align with what’s on offer.

So, how do you know if therapy is right for you? And will it work?

You’re ready to take responsibility for making changes

One of the fundamental beliefs I have about people is that everyone has the capacity to change. The struggle for many people is in taking responsibility for making changes when they’ve recognised that they’re unhappy, stuck or struggling.

If you are in a place where you understand that only you have the power to change your life, then therapy has the potential to open up a world of possibilities for you.

You have struggled alone for a long time and have realised you need support

Many people struggle for a long time before reaching a breaking point that forces them to acknowledge that they can’t manage alone anymore and they need to get some help and support.

Ideally, you won’t have reached a breaking point when you start having therapy, but even if you have, working with a therapist can help you to regain a balance and sense of self.

You want to better understand yourself

One of the key processes in therapy is about having time and space to learn more about yourself, and to develop an understanding of why you are the way you, have the thoughts, beliefs and feeling that you have, and behave in the way you do. This usually involves looking back at your past experiences to see how they’ve influenced and impacted on the here-and-now.

Working with a therapist will also give you an opportunity to make new choices about how you want to be in the world, as well as working out what’s most important to you, and what you want out of life.

You want to improve your relationships and communication skills

Therapy can help you to understand why certain patterns in relationships play out over and over again, and give you skills and techniques that can help you to relate differently. Learning how to communicate your feelings and needs openly with others will enable you to strengthen your relationships and build your confidence and self-esteem.

The therapy process can also give you a different experience of repairing ruptures. A “rupture” occurs when the authentic person, feeling or need gets missed, and the person is left feeling angry, hurt, sad or ashamed. Therapists are people too with all of own own experiences and history, so we can’t guarantee that we won’t ever get things wrong because occasionally - and without realising it - our own stuff might get in the way.

The important thing is that we should always be open and willing to discuss it so that we can understand what’s happened, and hopefully repair the relationship if possible. Most therapists work with the philosophy that some of the best therapy - and growth and change! - can emerge from ruptures, so are always up for working through them.

You’re willing to make a commitment to yourself to do the work

I’ll level with you: therapy can be incredibly hard work. It’s intense, challenging and uncomfortable at times, and requires commitment and consistent effort to be effective. Your therapist can give you the time and space to process your thoughts and feelings, as well as some useful tools and techniques to use in your everyday life, but they can’t do the work for you.

Your therapy is about you, so it’s down to you to invest the time, energy and commitment into it. If you’re worried that it’s something you’ll struggle to stick at, you may find it helpful to book a few sessions in on the same day at the same time each week at first. This will help to build the therapeutic relationship, and may help you to keep yourself accountable.

It’s also completely normal to feel like nothing much has changed for a while, or for things to sometimes feel worse than when you started therapy. The nature of therapy means that a lot of stuff will get stirred up and shifted about, sometimes outside your awareness, and sometimes not, so it can feel very unsettling at times.

If you can be patient with yourself and trust that by putting in the work you will get to where you want to be, then therapy is likely to be right for you.

Will therapy work?

If you’ve never had therapy before, or you have done in the past but didn’t find it effective, you may be worried that it won’t work for you. Please don’t let these worries put you off from trying, as there are lots of reasons why therapy might not “work” for some people, or not have worked for you before, but that doesn’t mean it won’t ever work.

It may be that you weren’t as ready then as you are now, or that you didn’t gel with the therapist or their approach. I would suggest contacting several therapists and having a chat with them to see if you’re a good fit. If you find it easy to talk to them and feel like they’re really listening to you, that’s a great sign that working with them will help.

When discussing what you’d like from therapy with a prospective therapist, it’s important to be honest and realistic about your goals and expectations. A great example is when a potential client tells me that they “don’t ever want to feel anxious again”. Unfortunately, some anxiety is a natural part of being human, so it wouldn’t be realistic to set a goal of “never feeling anxious again”.

Instead, something like, “I’d like to have a toolkit of useful strategies that help me to manage my anxiety more effectively” is a lot more realistic and attainable. When goals and expectations are realistic and reviewed regularly, it’s easier to track your progress and what is and isn’t working for you. This reduces the pressure that you might feel under for therapy to “work”, and can help everyone to stay on track.

I hope that this post has helped you to get a sense of whether therapy is right for you, as well as a better understanding of the likelihood that it will work. As ever, if you’re struggling and think I might be the therapist for you, feel free to get in touch and let’s see if we can work together. You can contact me using the form below; via email to emma@emmapooleytherapy.com, or on Facebook and Instagram @emmapooleytherapy.