Myths About Therapy

There are lots of myths flying around about therapy, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. Some myths are based on portrayals of therapy and the therapeutic process in popular culture and the media. Others have emerged from old cultural and societal beliefs around mental health, and the prejudices that have been attached to them.

I believe that I have a responsibility to normalise seeking support from a therapist, and one of the ways I can do this is by de-bunking some of the myths around it. In this post, I’ll highlight some of the myths that have emerged from pop culture and the media, as well as long-standing beliefs about why people have therapy and when it’s considered “acceptable” to do so.

If there are any other myths that you can think of that I haven’t covered here, please let me know by using the form at the bottom of the page.

Myths from Pop Culture

The therapist has no boundaries

Most portrayals of therapists in pop culture show the therapist having absolutely no boundaries. They will socialise with clients, and embark on sexual and / or romantic relationships with clients, or their friends or relatives, and continue working with the client.

Obviously I can’t say that this has absolutely never been / is never the case in reality, but it certainly isn’t “just something that happens”! Therapists need to hold clear boundaries in order for the therapeutic relationship to be safe and effective, and if they’re a member of a professional body, there will be an ethical code that they need to abide by.

You have to lie on a couch and talk about your mother

This is one of those myths that never seems to go away! Many of my clients assumed that this is what they’d have to do in therapy, and they were relieved when I assured them that this wouldn’t be the case at all.

Although I have a sofa in my therapy room, clients are under no obligation to lie on it unless they would feel more comfortable doing so. Oh, and you can talk about whatever you want and need to talk about in therapy, and that could be about your mother, but it absolutely doesn’t have to be!

The therapist is portrayed as either being “perfect” or robotic, or completely spiralling personally

Ahh, the inaccuracies! Therapists are human first, and none of us is “perfect”. Yes, we have lives outside our work, but this shouldn’t have an impact on our practice, and if it is, we probably shouldn’t be working with clients at that time.

Some therapeutic approaches discourage the therapist from having too much input in sessions, and this can be the right one for some clients, but for others, it can come across as robotic and unhelpful. I promise we’re people too, and if you’re not getting what you need from sessions, please tell us so that we can see what changes we can make.

It’s a kind of ‘punishment’ and you get “sent to” therapy

I think this is one of the most harmful myths about therapy, but it’s such a common portrayal in pop culture. We often see a character who has been struggling for a while, and as their behaviours escalate and they become increasingly distressed, other characters respond by “sending them” to therapy.

The whole point of therapy is to support people to make positive changes, and to encourage them to be autonomous in their choices. If they feel like they don’t have a choice about having therapy, this will create a block in the process that is likely to make it difficult to make progress.

If you’re not ready or choosing to have therapy, you don’t have to do it. And please know that no therapist wants a client to think they’re being punished for struggling with their mental health by having therapy; we want you to make a decision as to whether to engage with it for yourself.

Myths from the Media (or inaccuracies / sweeping generalisations at least!)

CBT is the only / best therapy

In recent years, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) has come into more mainstream awareness, and media outlets will often reference it as though it’s the “only” therapeutic approach in existence. CBT does have a huge research base behind it, as lots of data on outcomes for clients has been collected, and this evidence has meant that it’s been endorsed under the NICE guidelines for NHS services.

However, although CBT is undoubtedly effective for some people, it isn’t right for everyone. There are lots of therapeutic approaches to consider, so it’s worth exploring different options to see what might be best for you. And please keep in mind that the most important thing is that you feel comfortable to be open with your therapist, so if you get on well with them, that will be the thing to focus on, rather than the type of therapy.

It’s a quick process, and / or you’ll be “fixed” by the end of it

First of all, you don’t need “fixing” because you aren’t broken. We all struggle with our mental health from time-to-time, but some people find that their struggle goes on for a long time and has an enormous impact on their life. Therapy is about identifying unhelpful patterns in thoughts and behaviours, and having an opportunity to learn new ways of being in the world that have a more positive impact on you and those around you.

There’s no “absolute” timeline in therapy, as it’s not a linear process. Some people might have a couple of sessions and feel like that’s enough. Others might have sessions over several months before they get to a point where they’re ready to finish, and some have therapy for many years. Each client is an individual, and the therapy process can’t be tied up neatly in a little box that fits absolutely everyone.

Myths about the reasons people have therapy

You have to be in crisis / at breaking point, or have something “wrong” with you

Therapy is usually portrayed in the media as something you go to when things are at rock-bottom, rather than as an early intervention. You can have therapy even when things are generally okay. In fact, the earlier you access therapy, the sooner you’re likely to feel better. They say that “prevention is better than cure”, and therapy is a great tool that can help you to stay on track and reduce the chances of reaching breaking point.

There needs to be an “obvious” event or situation that has lead you therapy (and it usually needs to be “awful”)

For some people, the decision to have therapy comes on the back of a specific event or situation that has left them feeling angry, sad, lost or traumatised. If this is the case, there is usually a clear link between those experiences and their mental health and wellbeing.

And yet, you might just be feeling stuck or have a general feeling that something is “off”, and want to talk to someone independent about it. Therapy is often a reflective process, so it’s about having the time and space to identify beliefs and patterns of behaviour that are no longer serving you, and getting the support you need to make positive changes.

Other people’s problems must be worse / more important

Please, please know that even if your problems seem smaller than someone else’s, they’re still important. If it matters to you, it matters because you matter, and you are just as worthy of support. Different issues and experiences impact each individual differently, which means that what might feel huge to one person might not be so big to another, and vice-versa.

Some people put off seeking support for a long time, and by the time they get help, their issues have spiralled into a crisis. This means that their recovery will likely end up taking a lot longer, and that the therapeutic process will feel a lot more demanding.

Myths about the therapeutic process

You have to work with the first therapist who has availability

Absolutely not true! Therapy is an incredibly personal and vulnerable process, so it’s vital that you feel comfortable and safe with your therapist. If you feel like this with the first therapist you contact, great, but if you don’t, you don’t have to work with them. I always encourage people who contact me to check out other therapists if they want to, and genuinely won’t be offended if they choose to go with someone else.

Therapy will always make you feel worse

I’m not going to say that you will never feel worse after a therapy session, because sometimes therapy is really, really hard. If you’ve talked about things that are uncomfortable or challenging, it’s normal to feel “worse” about it afterwards because confronting difficult issues is not easy.

What I would say is that if you feel worse after every session for more than a couple of weeks, there may well be more to it, and it’s worth talking to your therapist about it. You can then work together to explore what else might be going on, and talk about what could help you to feel better.

Every session needs to be serious / sad / uncomfortable / challenging

Sometimes clients need to bring serious and challenging issues to their therapy sessions, but this doesn’t mean that every session will have to be like this. I believe that joy and laughter is as important in therapy as the darker stuff, as this is a more rounded reflection of the human experience.

It’s really important for clients to feel comfortable to bring their “whole selves” to therapy, and this can be the things that are going well, as well as the things that perhaps aren’t going as well.

You have to rate your feelings to “prove” it’s working

In organisations that are delivering therapeutic services on behalf of the NHS, there may be a request for clients to log their thoughts and feelings over the course of sessions, as this data will be collected and analysed to see what the outcomes are like for clients.

However, this isn’t the standard practice for therapists in private practice. I prefer to ask clients how they feel about our sessions in an organic way, as I think this can provide a better insight into exactly why they are finding the process (un)helpful. We can then have an open and honest conversation about where to go next.

You need to be completely “fixed” with no possibility of having sessions again in future

Therapy - like life in general - isn’t a linear process, and it isn’t necessarily something that has a fixed start and end point. Some people have therapy for a specific problem, work through it and never feel like they need to see a therapist again. Other people find that they work through enough stuff at that particular time, leave therapy for a while (sometimes months or even years), and feel like they need to come back to it at a later date. It’s an individual thing, so it will be different for everyone, and that’s okay.

I hope that this post has cleared up some of the myths about therapy, and that you feel reassured. If you think I’ve missed a myth that needs to be addressed, please let me know by using the contact form below, via email to emma@emmapooleytherapy.com, or on Facebook and Instagram @emmapooleytherapy.

At the time of writing this post, my caseload is full so I’m not taking on any new clients. If you’re struggling and would like some suggestions for other potential therapists and resources, feel free to contact me using the details above and I’ll be happy to help.