Why Do People Have Therapy?
Most people still seem to be under the impression that therapy is something you’re only “allowed” to go to if you’re in crisis or at breaking point with your mental health. In fact, there are all sorts of reasons why people have therapy, and some of them may surprise you.
Yes, for some people therapy is considered a “last resort” when they feel like they’ve run out of options, but it’s not the only reason to have it. Therapy is an incredible resource for self-care and personal growth and development, and in this post, I’ll outline some examples of the reasons why people have therapy.
To maintain their mental health as a form of self-care
Going to therapy, even when your mental health is generally good, is a bit like going to the gym even when you’re physically fit: it helps you to maintain the balance and sense of wellness. Taking the opportunity to talk about your feelings and experiences regularly opens up extra “mental bandwidth” because you’re not carrying them around in your head alone all the time.
A key part of therapy for many clients is about building resilience to be able to “bounce back” when things feel especially challenging, rather than becoming consumed by overwhelm. By talking things through with a therapist, clients find that their issues have less power over them and their sense of wellbeing.
To work through a specific issue
Of course, some people do have therapy in order to address a specific issue they’re struggling with. This might be in response to a here-and-now situation such as burning out at work, or it might be about things from the past. In these cases, the client will usually have a conscious awareness of what it’s about and how it’s impacting them.
However, even if this is the case, as a therapist it’s really important that I don’t make assumptions about a client’s experiences, even if they’re one of many who have come to therapy for the “same” issue. This is because their experience of the issue - and the history behind it - will still be unique to them, so the approach I take to working with them needs to be unique to them as well.
To identify unhelpful thought and behavioural patterns
We learn how to be in the world from what we see and hear around us, and the messages we receive from the people who have influence in our lives. From these, we can get into unhelpful cycles of thought and behaviours, which can harm our relationships as well as our own wellbeing.
Therapy can help to highlight these patterns, uncover where they have come from, and help clients to release them and introduce new, healthier ones. Often a therapist will become a significant influence for a client in learning new ways to be in the world, and clients may find themselves wondering what their therapist might encourage them to say or do in a particular situation. The technical term for this is “internalising” the therapist.
To build confidence and self-esteem
Our life experiences, especially in childhood, can have a significant impact on our mental health. If we grow up being told that we’re not enough as we are, or that we don’t have a chance of being successful, we can hold onto this into adulthood and make choices from a place of fear or feeling of “unworthiness”.
Therapy can help clients to uncover who they really are and how they can truly express themselves in the world, even if it may not be how other people want to see them. With the increase in confidence and self-esteem from being true to ourselves comes the freedom to make decisions and to live life in a way that’s right for us, and this is why therapy can be such an empowering experience.
To reconnect with their authentic selves
We spend so much of our lives absorbing messages from others about who we “should” be and what we’re “allowed” to do, and this can result in us losing the connection with who we really are. If we feel disconnected from ourselves, we can feel numb and empty, or even become depressed.
Therapy can help to unpick these messages and give clients clarity and understanding about who they really are and who they want to be. Once this is in their conscious awareness, it can become easier to “live their truth”, feel happier, and also feel at peace with themselves.
To process difficult feelings and experiences
People often come to therapy because they have been struggling with distressing feelings and memories of difficult experiences, or they have physical symptoms that don’t have an “obvious” cause that can be linked to a physical health issue. It may be that they’ve been struggling with these issues for many years without talking about them, but sometimes they may have only become a problem recently.
Therapy provides a space to explore what has been happening, and can help clients to make links that may not have been obvious. Many people find that when they talk about things they’ve repressed for many years, a weight that they didn’t realise they were carrying is lifted, and enables them to move beyond the past.
To enhance their personal growth and development
Self-awareness is one of the most powerful skills we can develop, and one of the best environments in which we can learn to do this is in therapy. Therapists are trained to work with clients to not only explore what is going on for them, but why they approach things in the way they do.
By doing this, clients can gain valuable insights into their internal processes, which can enable them to understand themselves better and communicate this new understanding with others. It can also help them to let go of limiting beliefs that keep them in a place of “stuckness” so that they can go on to reach their full potential.
To improve their relationships and communication skills
One of the most common reasons people have therapy is to improve their relationships and communication skills. This isn’t just about learning skills and techniques that will help them to communicate more effectively, but also to understand why certain patterns in relationships can play out over and over again, and how different approaches can have incredibly different outcomes.
Therapy can also offer a different experience of repairing ruptures. A “rupture” occurs when the authentic person, feeling or need gets missed, and the person is left feeling angry, hurt, sad or ashamed. Therapists are people too with all of own own experiences and history, so we can’t guarantee that we won’t ever get things wrong because occasionally - and without realising it - our own stuff might get in the way.
The important thing is that we should always be open and willing to discuss it so that we can understand what’s happened, and hopefully repair the relationship if possible. Most therapists work with the philosophy that some of the best therapy - and growth and change! - can emerge from ruptures, so are always up for working through them.
To learn more about themselves
One of the amazing things about being human is our ability to learn, and to “update” our knowledge. This applies to what we know about ourselves as well as other people and the world. Therapy is a great place to start to learn more about ourselves because we are encouraged to be curious rather than judgmental.
Rather than reinforcing old messages that we “shouldn’t” think or feel a certain way, or that we’re “just being silly”, in therapy we can be curious about what we’re reacting to and why we have that response. This process opens up new perspectives on things, and is a helpful way of getting to seeing things as they are, rather than how we’ve projected them to be.
I hope that this post has offered you a new understanding of why people have therapy. If you’re considering having therapy yourself, I also hope that you feel reassured that your reason for this is completely valid and okay. And if you have any questions or comments about anything I’ve raised in this post, do let me know by using the form below.
If you’re struggling with your mental health and think that I might be the therapist for you, please feel free to get in touch with me. You can contact me via Instagram and Facebook @emmapooleytherapy, via email at emma@emmapooleytherapy.com, or use the contact form below to book a free 30-minute consultation and we can see if we’d like to work together.